Sanctuary!!

We hear this word used may times to describe a place or condition where we as humans can find solace and peace, away from everything else this cruel world has to offer. This word originates in ancient European times, when people fleeing the persecutions of the anti-Church movements would scramble to the nearest cathedral or church and declared "Sanctuary!". According to prevailing rules at the time, the persecutors were not allowed to capture or harm those who have set foot in God's holy shrines and declared sanctuary, until of course, they came out again, in which they became legal targets for arrows, spears, and whatever weapon of choice they use.

This concept, whether we realize it or not, carry forward into this modern times. The stress of everyday life, of our workplace, of horrible traffic conditions, and even of our own family members, relatives, and friends, has suggested the need for a place or a situation where we can just simply get away, even if only for the briefest amount of time. We all need our own sanctuaries, or some "me time", to refresh, recharge, restart, in hope that when we re-emerge from it, we become better souls ready to take on the challenges of life.

As no two human beings are alike, the form and concept of sanctuaries differ from one to another. For some, it could be escaping alone to a remote tropical island at world's end, sitting by the beach whilst sipping a glass of tequila. It could be camping in a mountain or forest that no soul has touched for eons of years, becoming one with Mother Nature. It could be going to the nearest shopping strip and spending money like crazy. It could be sitting alone in their room with their favorite tunes playing and a good book on hand. It could be driving down an empty city highway at 2 AM with their car windows open. Or to convene back to ancient times, it could also be going to their respective places of worship, sitting in silence, communicating with God in silent prayers. All are valid sanctuaries, so long as they soothe the soul and refresh the body for a better tomorrow.

As time goes and with all the technological advancements we have today, this sanctuary is harder and harder to seek and to maintain. Peace is often disturbed by the most mundane of things. Phone calls, text messages, emails, crying babies, extreme weather, even by a police officer stopping your car at 2 in the morning for a breathalyzer test. These simple things can quickly turn your supposed sanctuary into a living nightmare!

As social beings, we live in a web of interconnectedness with others around us, and we cannot escape this, even if we want to. Friends will look for us to hang out. Kids will look for us to play with them and take them to the mall. Mothers and wives will look for us to do household chores and drive them places. Bosses will look for us to get updates on projects. Employees will look for us to get advices and approvals. The list goes on and on. At the end, our sanctuary seems to have vanished into thin air, because everybody wants a piece of our time! In the most extreme case, our "me time" is only limited to the time we spend alone in the bathroom in the morning or late at night, when everyone else has dozed off. With so little sanctuary, no wonder people nowadays are more stressed up than ever!

There is no cure from this condition, since we as social beings are destined and required to interact with those around us, to continue living until we achieve the ultimate end. We cannot stop interacting and start living in solitary confinement, unless we are grade-9 prisoners in Guantanamo Bay. We as humans have to endure and collect our little sanctuaries here and there to keep us sane, to keep us going in this life. Why little sanctuaries? Because the major ones are almost impossible to come by in this era!

Collecting these little sanctuaries does require a bit of creativity. We could sneak out for coffee in the middle of our hectic workdays. We could plug our noise-canceling earphones and blare out tunes from our iPhones while crammed in a crowded subway train. We could take a break from writing that boring 50-page report to quickly check our Facebook page. We could momentarily escape the dreaded traffic home by stopping by at a restaurant to have a nice dinner. We could doze off to a peaceful sleep and turn off all communication devices at night. The key is doing what works for you in a situation where only God Himself can disturb you.

Sanctuaries are easier found when you are single and living in a studio apartment, 6,000 miles away from home. That much is true. But that does not mean we cannot find it when we are married with two kids and living in the same house as your parents or in-laws. There will be more disturbances, yes, and I do not need to list them out one by one. But even in this seemingly peace-less situation, one can still find sanctuary to get away from it all. At the end of the day, when the babies and grandparents are fast asleep, and we are together with our spouse in our bedroom, with the options to chat about the day, to watch DVDs or TV shows together, or just to cuddle and do you-know-whats, we can always create our little sanctuary.

"Our" sanctuary, you ask? Yes, our sanctuary. Of course there are times when we need a more private sanctuary, where we subtract that significant other of ours and be completely and absolutely alone with our thoughts. Being married, this is more difficult to achieve, because ultimately there is this person who sleeps in the same room and spends most of their time with us. We cannot simply ignore them and do the things we want to do in solitary confinement, because when you are married, everything has to be done together. And if we ignore this rule and do things in solitary, the nagging questions will start.

Given this situation, the only private sanctuary we can enjoy is when our spouse dozes off to sleep before we do. Or when they travel with the in-laws and the kids. Or when a newborn appears in our live and the mother has to sleep with the baby for the first two months to feed them properly at night. These are sample situations when we, even in marriage, can have the room to ourselves and scream at the top of our lungs, "Sanctuary!!". We can then do whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want, with whomever we want, in the comfort of our room. I may have to scratch that last "with whomever" part out to avoid parental lawsuits.

I am in no way encouraging married couples to take this to the extreme and live in separate rooms or even houses. No, that is never the point of marriage. We love our spouses, and we want to spend as much time as we can with them and the kids. But there are times when we just really, really, really had it. Times when we desperately need some me-time. Times when we need to get away from everyone and everything, even our most-loved ones. Times when we need to enter that little cathedral in our hearts and declare Sanctuary. Husbands need this. Wives need this. Everyone needs this.

I once heard a story about a couple who agreed to "take a break" from each other on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On those days, they will live on separate houses or apartments and do the things they want, with the exception of infidelity. This idea, while creative, is a bit on the extreme, and we do not need to go there to get our private sanctuaries. Every couple has different situations. What works for one may not work for others. The important thing is just to be creative and open-minded about it. Realize that your spouse needs a break from you once in a while, even if they love you more than anything in the world. At the end, you can find that these little breaks will serve not to doom a relationship, but to strengthen it and to suppress the boredom and monotony that come with it.

I close this post by urging you to find your own little and private sanctuaries, to make this life more livable and your problems more bearable. They are hard to find, but trust me, they are there! You just have to look a little harder.